Distant Echoes: An Expat's Heartache Over Lebanon's Unrest
Caught Between Safety and Sorrow: Reflecting on War from Afar
SEP 30, 2024
Rafic Hariri 1944-2005
“No one is more important than his own country.” - Rafic Hariri.
I find myself sitting alone, endlessly flipping through TV channels, each broadcast a stark reminder of the turmoil in my homeland. The reality is numbing. For the first time, I am experiencing war from a distance, disconnected from the chaos yet overwhelmed by a sense of guilt and anxiety for my family's safety back in Lebanon.
I confide in friends, expressing the sadness of acknowledging this as "the first war" of my life spent abroad. Their reminder is stark: it underscores a life never touched by stability. This realisation brings anger. Are we cursed to be coming from the Middle East? Are we destined for a lifetime of violence and instability? It is unjust that my nephews, nieces, and the children of Lebanon must endure the echoes of our past—wars, violence, and devastation. The fact that they, like we once did, can distinguish between the roars of artillery and the whine of warplanes is a grim testament to their shattered innocence.
In my childhood, we had shelters—spaces in apartment buildings or neighbourhood havens. They offered little protection against the formidable might of conflict, such as the Israeli attacks, yet they were a semblance of security. Today, even those meagre safeguards are absent. We naively believed we had moved past such dire insecurities; we repossessed them for a different activity. We were mistaken.
I left Lebanon seeking a life marked by security, stability, and the simple luxury of planning a day, a week, a month —a stark contrast to the unpredictability back home. Now, from the safety of my flat, the guilt weighs heavily as I sit comfortably, knowing my loved ones are in peril. It feels almost shameful to inquire about their well-being from my sanctuary while they desperately seek shelter for their children.
What do I do with my daily life? Do I soldier on and work, ticking the boxes on my to-do list, or sit at home panicking and trying as much as possible to do something for those left back home? As an expatriate, the distance does little to buffer the heartache of witnessing my homeland in distress. Each update from Lebanon reminds me of the peace I sought and the turmoil they endured.
"It doesn't matter who leaves and who stays; what matters is that the country endures." - Rafic Hariri.
This war is even worse. The conflict I am going through is so painful it is unbearable. On the one hand, the berserk Israeli monstrous war machine wreaked death and destruction among my people. On the other hand, those targeted non-civilians assassinated my loved one. They assassinated my uncle and hid the culprits. They also assassinated those who were protecting them from infiltration. Today, this infiltration is causing havoc among their affiliates and supporters.
ُThere are many religious and cultural markers that promise justice will prevail and that God Almighty will stand with the oppressed and the betrayed. However, I was raised to be an empath, to feel the suffering of those around me and to keep an eye on the greater good. Today, the greater good is Lebanon.
How can I feel relief when Israel flattened six residential buildings with eighty 900kg bunker-buster missiles to the extent that medical teams announced there were no casualties brought to the ER because everyone was annihilated?
How can I rejoice when that enemy, Israel, had massacred people I worked with or people related to those I worked with for years when friends told me they picked up body parts of their neighbours wounded in those attacks?
The end does not justify the means, especially if coming from Israel. Israel is not avenging me from those who killed my uncle, and it never will. Israel is implementing its genocidal agenda.
Gaza is the witness
If You would like to Help
Local Organizations:
Lebanese Food Bank - Donate Here
Lebanese Red Cross - Donate Here
-International Organizations:
British Red Cross - Donate Here
UNICEF - Donate Here
Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) - Donate Here
World Central Kitchen - Donate Here